Poem-If I Had The Chance

IF I HAD THE CHANCE

by TinaTito



If I had the chance
The chance of making my own choice,

I don't think I ought to be where I am right now.

But the choice is not mine to make,

and the chance is not mine to take.

Because the choice(which I think it is),

is actually my destiny.

If destiny could be chosen,

Then why ask for another chance?

If I had the chance,

I don't think I want to be a medical doctor.

I might as well be a poet, or a writer,

Or even a lecturer, just like my father.

But that's just it, I didn't have a choice

Because in the first place, this was my fate.

God has paved the road that I'm about to take

in such a way that every single day,

I would pray,

that I become someone I ought to be,

not someone who I want to be.

Want to and ought to are two different english words,

Even if you spell it out in a foreign accent,

they would still be different terms.

What I want is what I don't need.

What I need is a certainty.

Certain that I want to be what I ought to be. 

So if I had the chance,

I would delete all the choices I have,

So I could erase all the temptations,

and make my way to the destination,

that God has set for me through His lense.

(this poem gave birth on Wednesday, 8.15-8.40 pm)  

From a Window Pane: Realiti Kehidupan(Part 2)

Assalamualaikum..kite berjumpe lagi pada hari yang same,waktu je x berapa nak same...

Untuk part 2 ni, aku just nak cite ape yang aku maksudkan dengan realiti kehidupan yang aku belajar kat kem tu..


1- Tak semua orang diberikan nikmat pendidikan yang sempurna.

Yeah...when you think about it, not everyone is lucky as we are(me and you..yes,you!)..Before this, I've always assumed that everyone can read and write, if not much or complex, but at least they know how to pronounce simple Malay and English words like BACA,BUKU,BULAT or HOLE, BRANCH, ATINA(ek,tetibe!) etc. and know how to write simple sentences like I LIKE TO STEP ON MY FRIEND MANY TIMES or DOGS LIKE TO CHASE ME but sorry to say, most of them can't. Malay language doesn't seem to be much of a problem except for some isolated cases but their English proficiency is far from the other Standard 6 students that I know nearby. I used to remember when I was at their age, I could read Harry Potter novels and could really understand them. Even that, I was considered an average that time compared to my other Malay friends.(yang Cina ngn India tok sah nk cakapla,English tu kacang ja). But i guess it was my fault as well to  these kids. Well yeah, I've lived in a suburban area and I've been surrounded by a well educated community for as long as I can remember. There are none in my school who cannot read and write,well at least not this bad. I've never known the reality of the education level of the people in rural areas until now. I never thought that the gap between the education quality in the outskirts and in the urban areas would be this big *showing with my fingers with eyes wide open*.

Tapi itulah realiti. Kalau dilihat balik, sebenarnye sistem pendidikan kite masih memerlukan baaaannnnyaaaak  penambahbaikan. Orang hanye nampak kelebihan budak-budak di kawasan bandar..pencapaian akademik yang memberangsangkan, keterlibatan diorang dalam KO-K yang menakjubkan, tapi org tertinggal sekumpulan masyarakat kite di luar bandar......yang sebenarnye lebih memerlukan perhatian kite, perhatian kerajaan...Aku cukup risau kalau budak-budak ni membesar dalam keadaan tidak tahu membaca dan menulis(erti kata lain, buta huruf). Sebab siapa berani kata, "alaaaaa, tak pandai baca pun boleh berjaya.." Semua mengaku kan membaca dan menulis tu asas kemahiran intelek yang lain. Semua jugak tahu makin lama, pelajaran makin susah. Jadi kalau di peringkat sekolah rendahpun budak-budak ni dah terumbang-ambing di lautan gelora, apatah lagi bila dah masuk peringkat sekolah menengah nanti??Dengan subjek-subjek yang makin banyak dan kerja kursus lagi..Cuba renungkan...Bukan aku ingin memburuk-burukkan masyarakat luar bandar(mak ayah aku orang kampung), aku sekadar ingin menunjukkan satu realiti yang ramai orang, especially orang bandar tak nampak. Kalau sedar pun, buat-buat tak sedar. Jom sama-sama menyedarkan diri bahawa ramai lagi masyarakat Malaysia ni yang memerlukan bantuan kita semua. Semua 1Malaysiai kaaaaan???*wink*wink* (tetibe je haha)

2- Didikan agama yang semakin terhakis

 I can be very defensive when it comes to my religion. It was disappointing to see that some of the kids could not even perform their solah at the age of 12. I'm not talking about doing the ruku' wrongly or not memorizing the doa iftitah, or missed out a few things in the recitation of the tahiyyat akhir, but i'm talking about not knowing how to pray at all. Not knowing how may pillars are there in a prayer, how to niat in Arabic nor Malay,cannot recite the al-fatihah properly, and worse, cannot perform the ablution(wudu'). For me, this is far more worrying than acing the exams. Far more important than UPSR, i can say, because this is our religion we're talking about. These kids are the next generation, the next in line in the replacement of our current leaders, our ulama'. If we're not the ones to correct them, then who will??
It was very shocking to see that these kids don't know what hadith is, who Saidina Umar Al-Khattab is, and many more general facts about Islam. Then, who do you think is their idol at this point of time if they don't even know who Saidina Umar is. You expect them to know Saidina Hamzah, Rabiatul Adawiyah and idolise those great people in the past?Hell no! All they know is Ultraman, Boboiboy, Khairul Fahmi Che Mat, Lady Gaga etc. 


Ade sorang sahabat aku cakap kat aku selepas aku ceritakan perkara ni. Dia kata,

"Tina, yang penting sekarang bukan untuk mengajar mereka solat, tapi untuk membawa mereka mengenali siapa yang mengeluarkan perintah solat itu. Tanya mereka, kenalkah Allah?Siapakah Allah?Siapakah Nabi Muhammad? Itu yang lebih penting kerana itu asas akidah Islami. Asas-asas pengenalan Islam bukan untuk solat, tapi untuk mengenali Allah. Solat itu adalah satu bentuk pengabdian kepada Tuhan tetapi yang lebih penting sekarang adalah untuk memaku, memahat,menjahit(??!) nilai akidah yang kuat dalam diri budak-budak tu."(ok dialog sifu dh diedit cikit)


Wahhh, my wise sifu...Itulah Ikram Mohd Noor, pengasas blog www.inibukankerjagila.blogspot.com yang sememangnye gila! hehe in a good way la... 


Tapi betullah ape yg Ikram ckp tu....susah diorang nak terima ilmu agama lain kalau ilmu asas tentang Islam tu tidak diajar dan diterapkan................which brings us to my next point


3- Ibu bapa cerminan peribadi anak-anak

Memang orang kata iman tak dapat diwarisi, walaupun daripada seorang ayah yang bertaqwa(ceee cilok lagu Raihan ek) tetapi kite tak dapat nafikan bahawa ibu bapa sepatutnya menjadi cikgu paling utama, pengetua, guru besar anak2 terutama sekali dalam hal2 agama ni...bukan cikgu sekolah, bukan ustazah-ustaz sekolah agama,bukan juga sukarelawan sukarelawati kem-kem motivasi..
Mengaku jela bila anda nampak seorang budak bermasalah atau remaja bermasalah, mesti terdetik, walau kecik mana pun detik tu, mesti korang akan cakap, "agaknya, mcm manela parents die ek" ataupun "ni mesti parents pun lebih kurang je ni"..kan kan kan???! haaa sebab kita manusia, tak lari daripada sifat bersangka-sangka..Tapi kadang-kadang sangkaan itu ada benarnya..bak kata pepatah Melayu, bapa borek, anak rintik........anak sangat senang terikut-ikut tindak tanduk, tingkah laku mak ayahnya kerana pada anak, mak ayah 'orang dewasa' yang sepatutnya dah tau mana baik, mana buruk..sedangkan hakikatnya kematangan manusia bukan pada usia, tapi pada kebijaksanaannya dan kesihatan rohaninya.. 

Bagi aku, sebelum mentarbiah golongan remaja atau kanak-kanak  yang dah sedikit berubah arah ni, kaji dulu kehidupan berkeluarga dia mcm mana. Bukan nak bukak aib ke ape, tapi nak tengok apa punca diorg ter-kiok sikit(kiok??haha bantai jela) Sebab ade sesetengah budak bermasalah sebab ikot kawan, pengaruh budaya luar tapi kalau tengok keluarga dia elok je. Mak ayah elok je perangai. Ade pulak budak-budak yang memang mewarisi kedurjanaan(maaf bahasa kasar) mak ayahnye.

Kisah benar daripada kawanku, ade sorang peserta kem motivasi(xtaula kem mana) cerita kat dia yang mak ayah die tak kisah pun die tido sesama laki perempuan bukan muhrim yang dah baligh satu bilik...astarghfirullahalazim *istighfar lagiiiiiiiiiiiii*
Ada jugak yang bile di kem, bole je ikot sembahyang jemaah sekali, tapi bile balik tak boleh dipraktikkan sebab mak ayah tak solat...*istighfar lagi*

So tell me, how do expect us to motivate these kids if they don't get the motivation from their should-be main source of motivation, that is their parents?! We did our best in telling them what's right and what's wrong, the do's and don'ts but in the end, it will all go to waste because they don't get the support from their parents. I'm not saying that every kids who went to that camp have bad parents, but that some, that small number who have can sometimes open your eyes to what may be much worse than that. You don't know how many more kids out there whose lives are being jeopardised by the people who gave birth to them. The saddest part is that most of these kids really crave for a good education and they want to be a good muslim, but they are stuck between poverty and parents who couldn't care less about them. But i salute to those parents who tried very hard to give the best to their children, even with limited resources..At least they try........


_________________________________________________________________________________
We've come to the end.

Well, you say that 24, 25 students don't affect the country's well-being in terms of religion-wise and education-wise. You can say what's wrong with a bunch of schoolchildren not knowing how to read and write and pray, we'd still have hundreds thousands more who can. So just ignore.


My answer would be, these so-called schoolchildren are also human beings who deserve a better life as much as we all do. What makes us different from them??. In the end, they would also be the one voting for you in maybe the 100th general election,who knows. And if u neglect their needs and necessities, don't be surprise if one day, they'll assign a battalion of army to go against you.

I really hope a lot of people would read this, despite all the grammatical errors..hahah because to me, going to that camp, being a part of it has really opened my heart, my eyes and my mind to how far we still are from development. And this has actually made my love towards my country stronger because i know i have to do something. Even if it's just a little contribution and even if i'm just a little person(literally), at least one day there will be someone who can say "I wanna be just like KakTina"

Ceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Rasulullah saw. bersabda,
"Tolonglah saudaramu, baik dia orang yang menganiaya ataupun yang dianiaya. Bertanya seorang sahabat: "Ya Rasulullah, kami mengerti tentang menolong orang yang teraniaya tetapi bagaimana kami menolong orang yang menganiaya ?". Nabi saw. menjawab: "Cegahlah dia". [HR Bukhari]

From A Window Pane: Death.Is.Certain

Assalamualaikum..

Last Thursday, my dad received a text saying that one of USM's student who got into an accident a few days back had passed away due to internal bleeding in the brain. It was a devastating news to my dad, even to me since I went to the hospital with him to visit the victim.. But sadly, we couldn't get in just like in a normal ward because she was admitted in the ICU because of the 'unsuccessful second operation' as the doctor had said. The still couldn't find the source to the bleeding plus half of the brain had already died so yeah, the only way she'll survive(btw, it's a SHE) is by Allah's will..

But what I would like to highlight is the severity of the injury compared to how the accident happened. Based on what her sister told us who was also one of the victims, yet she suffered none but small bruises, it was actually just a small accident, nothing disastrous nor big that could fit itself into the front paper of the newspaper, but the consequence it had caused to her sister was FATAL.

When I pondered upon this matter, I can't stop thinking about a verse in the Holy Quran, when Allah s.w.t says;

"....if He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: 'Be' and it is" (Surah Ali Imran:47)
".....apabila Ia(Allah) berkehendak melaksanakan sesuatu perkara, maka Ia hanyalah berfirman kepadanya:    'Jadilah engkau', lalu jadilah ia" (3:47)


Masya-Allah, maha besar kuasa Allah dalam menetapkan ajal seseorang. Maka kita ambil iktibar daripada peristiwa ni, bahawa tidak ada seorang pun, I repeat, none of us can cheat or escape death(so forget about Final Destination, it's all lies). No matter who we are, what post we hold in our career, death is certain.Mungkin jika kemalangan yang sama berlaku pada orang lain, kecederaannya kecil kerana itu takdir Allah ke atasnya. Tetapi, bukan tugas kita untuk menilik, menilai bilakah kita akan mati, bagaimana kita akan mati. Itu semua rahsia Allah.

Tugas kita adalah untuk mempersiapkan diri kita ke arah kiamat kecil itu. Tugas kita adalah untuk memastikan kita pergi dalam Husnul Khatimah(kesudahan yang baik) dan bukannya dalam su'ul khatimah(kesudahan yang buruk). Alangkah ruginya jika selama ini kita beramal tetapi akhirnya ditarik nyawa dalam keadaan kita tidak mengingati Allah, dalam keadaan kita melakukan dosa, maksiat??

So kawan-kawan, sentiasalah beristighfar agar apabila ajal kita sampai, moga-moga Allah mengampunkan segala dosa kita, dan insyaallah, dapatlah kita mengecapi nikmat terbesar iaitu untuk pergi dalam redha Allah.

"Sesungguhnya orang yang paling bijak itu ialah orang yang paling banyak mengingati mati" 


Allahualam.

Seriously, I'm 19?!

Yaa Assalamualaikum semua!!

-Seriously, you're 19 already??!
-Well yeah, why?i look older right...most of them say so..
-errr...no..i thought u're 12 or something...
- =______= i rest my case..


Ya memang. Tiada yang benar melainkan yang benar belaka. Saya, Atina Shahida Adnan sudahpun menjangkau umur 19 tahun.............19.....................19.......................(tuanya aku...) pada 11 Jun yang lalu.
Cuak sebenarnya sebab tahun depan(insyaallah,kalau umur panjang) dah 20..

• maknanya angka depan tu dah '2', bukan '1' lagi.......
• bunyi pun dah lain...sebelum ni 'belas'....next year dah 'puluh' atau kalau ikot mat saleh sebelum ni '___teen' next year dh 'twenty____'

WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Tak taula nak cakap seronok ke tak..sebab sesetengah orang seronok bila umur dah makin dewasa sebab bagi mereka, umur 18 ke atas tu dah jadi tiket atau pas 'kebebasan' untuk melakukan apa-apa saja...ala, masyarakat kita sekarang kan dah perasan nak jadi orang putih melepak tu..bile umur dah 21 je, kire freedom is yours la..mak ayah pun takde authority nak tegur, nak nasihat, nak bagi cadangan dan pandangan. Kalau mak ayah defy sikit je, mak aiiii, melenting bagai nak gila!! ya, itulah realiti remaja zaman sekarang(tapi bukan saya ya..hehe)

Tapi aku dapat satu cerita yang menarik daripada nenek kawan aku semasa aku menziarahi dia..nenek cakap, adat dulu dengan adat sekarang lain sangat.. remaja zaman dulu takdenye macam kite...Aku pun musykil la ape yang berbeza nye...kalau ikut muka, muka orang melayu dulu dengan sekarang sama ja..kecuali adala beberapa kacukan di situ, di sini....rupa-rupanya..

• nenek cakap, kalau zaman dulu, bila perempuan dah mencapai status anak dara(kira dah datang anak bulan), automatik kebebasan mereka ditarik...tak boleh nak keluar rumah sesuka hati, kene mintak izin kalau nak pergi kedai pun..sounds cruel huh..tapi alasannye, sebab apabila seseorang perempuan itu dah 'matang', dia dah dianggap mempunyai satu kehormatan untuk dijaga dan dah dianggap eligible untuk dipinang lelaki..walaupun pada waktu itu perempuan tu baru berumur 14 tahun..sebab itulah kalau kite kaji balik sejarah nenek moyang kita, mostly, semua khwin umur 14 tahun-18 tahun..kalau umur lepas tu tak kahwin kahwin lagi, dah dikira ANDARTU and takde sape nak dah(cehh exaggerate gile aku)
• nenek cakap,tapi zaman sekarang..kalau dah datang bulan tu, datang jela kan..no big deal....pastu, nak keluar lepak dengan kawan, keluar jela..mak ayah jarang halang anak diorg keluar sekarang...nasihat diorang, janji jaga adab,maruah..pastu sekarang remaja yang kahwin umur 18 tahun tu diberi gelaran 'kahwin awal', di anggap gatal la, tak bole tahan dahla, dan macam-macam lagi sampai masyarakat kite sekarang takut sangat nak benarkan anak diorang kahwin pada usia muda..takut apa orang kata....sekarang ni, umur yang ideal nak kahwin 25(24 pun dah kire awal!) ke atas...umur 30 pun masih tak dikategorikan andartu...sebab sekarang perempuan kebanyakannya dah berpelajaran, dah setaraf dengan lelaki..jadi mentaliti sekarang career comes first, not baby..hahaha

Haaaa....nampak tak..nenek pun pandai differentiate between the past and present..hebat ah nenek kawan aku ni..hehe...Actually, aku ni dah meleret jauh entah ke maana..rase macam sinetron Indonesia yang meleret-leret sehingga ada sampai 600 episod!! gila...

So..untuk birthday aku tahun ni, macam biase..aku sambut pre-birthday dengan family, makan ikan bakar(fuhh terbaekk!)...the real birthday aku sambut dengan Muffin Mafia(kecuali Azmah) di Secret Recipe..I got a Victoria Beckham-like boots from these crazy people..kononnye surprise la kan Aliah, kan Fatin..sedangkan berminggu sebelum tu dah tau dah...siap ikut pi try saiz lagi =___= ape-apepun, korang tetap awesome!! malamnye, sambut lagi dengan family tapi tanpa ayah sebab ayah sudah ke Pakistan...yaa, that's why ade pre-birthday celebration sebab ayah pun nak jugak masuk dalam memori..heheheh

So..............I'm very grateful to be surrounded by people who care for me, when i don't really expect or hope for any gifts and presents. Just the prayers and du'a from you guys are enough for me. As they say, it's the thought that counts..Thank you to everyone who have wished to me through Facebook, through text and calls..Thank you to Facebook for reminding them..hahaha..May Allah bless you

Ingat, semakin meningkat umur kita, semakin dekat kita dengan kematian....

Allahualam..

Weddings!!

Assalamualaikum. Yo peeps!

So yeah, me and my mom went back to Negeri Sembilan to help out on my cousin's wedding, Abang Hadi..He got married officially 2 weeks ago but this is the reception ceremony for the groom's side. I was appointed as the 'bunga telur girl' (without being asked first,haha..). suka tak???of coursela suke! glamour tuu...

Ade 2 sebab je aku excited pasal weeding ni. First, sebab dpt jumpe sepupu spapat yg dh berkurun tak jumpe..nak gosipla, ape lagi..dh siap kumpul bahan dh...haha..second, sebab it's a wedding! I love weddings! I know people find me a lil' eccentric for liking weddings..i don't know, i just do. Sronoklah tgk pengantin melaram(trust me, time kawen jela pengantin perempuan akan mengalami transfromasi muka yang sgt melampau! au au! if u know what i mean..tahniah mak andam mak andam sedunia! =D) pastu, sronok dpt doorgift..aku simpan tau sgale bentuk doorgift yg aku dpt utk setiap wedding yg aku attend.  and of course, we go to weddings for free food! stahun bape kali je beb dpt makan nasi minyak..hehe

Actually,time tengah syok bagi bunga telur kat orang tu aku tersenyum sendiri(maknenye orang yang ingat aku senyum kat die tu prasanlah) sebab sronok tgk adat-adat perkahwinan melayu still dikekalkan..walaupun tak keseluruhannya, tapi still..kalau nak dibandingkan dengan wedding-wedding lain yang aku pergi sebelum ni, mmg dh lain sangat..

• 1- walaupun makanan daripada catering, tapi ade beberape lauk yang dimasak oleh org kampung secara besar-besaran(so gotong-royong..i like!)
• 2-doorgift still berbentuk bunga telur..with real telur..bkn artificial..skrg ni jarang dh org pakai bunga telur..ramai dh bg bnde pelik2...kuih-muih la...cupcakes la...gula-gula la...sabun(??),kipas,mug bersaiz miniature yg nk masuk ape pun tak muat..so yeah, thumbs up to those who still go with the traditional ones..
• 3-ade team kompang kampung,,dengan kacamata hitam ala Kassim Selamat =D
• 4-orang kampung yang datang tolong-menolong dengan sgala persiapan sume...tak amek wedding planner..
• 5-lagu kahwin zaman tok nenek dulu beb! hahah

well, i'm not saying that wedding zaman sekarang tak best sebab dah moden sume, maybe sebab aku dh lame tak pegi wedding yang still follow the old-fashion way...so it's nice to see this being done once in a while..But if you ask me,"Atina, kau nak kawen cm zaman dulu ke nak moden?" err................no komen(jawapan artis)... =D

Bile pikir balik, lambat lagi kot turn aku..ni kalau amek kire sepupu spapat belah mak aku la..mari kite lihat ranking who's-next-in-line(kalau takde melangkah-langkah bendul la);

1-KakSyimah

2-Abang Fiz(abang aku)

3-Abang O

4-Kak Iya and Kak Ana(serentak jela korang due)

5-Habib(??)

6-AKU! (insyaallah)

-takde keje kan duk buat ranking ni... =_= sangat tak matang

-kepada kawan-kawan M3 ku, sesungguhnya di blog ni aku isytiharkan aku tak akan jadi orang pertama dan terakhir yang akan membatalkan kontrak kite tu.. *wink*wink*

ESSAY 2

A Warrior of Misery

by Atina Shahida Adnan

      I wish I could go far away from here, far, far away from all this miseries and god-forsaken place. I didn't wish for all this to happen, but what can I say, God hates me. Instead of seeing the sight of red fluids all around me, and stationary lives, I started reminiscing all the memories that suddenly came rushing through my mind at the speed of sound.

      "Mama!" I shouted to my grandmother, whom I called mama after my mother had died of giving birth to me. I'm a bad luck child, as my father claimed. mama came in with a bottle of milk and Suree, carried at her back, with only a piece of cloth supporting her to mama. "I want to hear another story about the warrior of Africa". This was the daily routine, where I hear my grandmother telling magnificent tales about Africa. Then, I would go around and chase my friends; Rajah, Loki and Sami at the backyard, with our barefoot stomping on the eroded soil. That time, I wished we could live our childhood lives forever and enjoy while we can even though we lived in poverty. You see, in Africa, wearing slippers made of plastic bottles is luxurious enough, eating carcasses that was left by the vultures is normal, running naked because all your clothes are torn is normal and dying alone under the heat of the sun with a bloated tummy and no one to bury you is perfectly normal. I've lived this way my whole life and I couldn't imagine of a better way to live. I thought I was strong, but I was wrong. Strength comes a long way in my life and I couldn't see the pains laying ahead of me.

       Suddenly, this one night, my father came home with a drunken attitude, not an unusual sight for me and my family. He came to me and glared at me with his red and swollen eyes, due to excessive crying and lack of sleep. "Go upstairs to your room, now!" he dictated. I followed his orders, without knowing what was going to happen next. He walked behind me and as soon as he got into the room, he threw me on my bed,shut the light,and....................................................

       "Aaaaaaaahhhh!" I shouted in pain, crying for help and begging for mercy from father.He was like a hungry tiger that night and I thought I would die. I cried for mama, but I knew she couldn't do anything. I became restless that I gave up and let everything happen. I knew I was a deer who couldn't fight a hungry tiger. That morning I woke up, naked. I had lost my dignity to my own father, the one thing I took really good care of. I sat at the corner of my room, hugging my knees, and mourned for my own misfortune. I was traumatized by the frightful incident and I remembered fainting own mama's lap. I dreamt I was a warrior of my own destiny and I found a loophole to all the problems in my life. That day onwards, I swore to God, wherever He may be that I'm going to leave this hell, come hell or high water.

      The next full moon, I packed my things and I called Rajah, Loki and Sami to the backyard. They wanted to come along with me but the day before, we were warned by the chief that rebels are on the loose and they might attack the village anytime. No one was to go out without being escorted by guards and children
were to stay inside at all times. I didn't care. I wanted to run away from my father and I knew this was my only chance. At first,my friends were scared because they knew we were putting our lives at stake but I consoled them. I raised their spirits up and all I can remember after that was we were in the forest, running for our lives.

       The truth is, I didn't know where to venture. I've heard of this place where the land is green and fertile, the children go to school, the politics there are stable and there is no such thing as rebels. I wanted to go to that place and I would work for money and come back for mama and Suree. I heard that this place had tonnes of delicious food, food that has not been touched by vultures and they have designer labeled shoes. I wanted to go there but I know this was just a dream. I wanted to make this dream a reality but reality is pain.

       We rested under a tree after getting tired of walking. Suddenly, I heard footsteps, loud footsteps, as if a crowd of buffaloes had just come back from their bath in  the mud. Rajah, Loki and Sami got scared but I told them to relax. I tried to act strong, even though my heart was pounding as hard as ever. Then, we decided to run away from the footsteps. That was a stupid thing to do as the footsteps got even closer to us. "Who's that?" shrieked a male voice. "Come out come out wherever you are" said another voice with a cynical tone.

       Now I'm scared to death. We ran and ran until I heard gunshots. Three gunshots. Then the night got quiet and still. I dare not look behind, so I kept running, just like a coward. I called to my friends, but none answered. Another gunshot was heard. I didn't see a large boulder in front and the next thing I know, I fell to the ground. When I woke up, I saw red fluids all around me, and stationary lives. I saw Rajah, Loki and Sami, lying still with a pale blue expression. This was the moment that I realised I had lost my friends. no tears fell as I was too shocked with the truth and everything happened so abruptly.

       I left this all to God. I was taken to the rebels' campsite and they trained me to be just like them. I was treated like a princess, apart from being a sex slave. And then I remembered the dream that I had had a long time ago, where I saw myself as a warrior. So, this was the warrior that I've become. A rebellious warrior with no mercy and love.   

The end.

ESSAY 1

HOW BIG CAN IT BE?

by Atina Shahida Adnan



He woke up in a cold sweat feeling afraid to go to school. He stared into the mirror again, disbelieving of what he just saw of his own reflection. This time, he bulged his eyes out to see it clearly. "Argh, it's still there!" sighed Jay. That zit on his forehead was one heck of a catastrophe to him. Having a big zit right on the middle of his forehead was a big no-no for him as he was the most popular guy in school and he did win the 'The Guy with the Most Flawless Skin' award at school three times in a row. But seriously, he didn't deserve that humongous zit, well at least that's what he thinks. It is so huge that it looked like Jay had a third eye. It had thios red color with yellow spot in the middle of the crest, telling Jay that it's going to give birth anytime soon.

'How am I going to go to school with an extra eye?' he thought to himself. Suddenly, he looked up and grinned as if he just saw a light bulb on top of his head. he knew what to do. He took out his snowcap, the one made by his grandmother, that he never wore because it looked so ridiculous. Whne he put it on his head, it was a perfect fit! He smiled proudly to himself and walked out of his room with pride. Sniffing the air outside, he walked to school without even a single anxiety holding him back. He was late for class, so when he got into his class, everyone turned towards him. Even Ms Lim."Okay, what's weird about him today?"they talked to themselves. They stared from head to toe. Jay was wearing a pair of denim jeans, with a black sweater, nothing unfamilliar about that. But wait! What's with the checkered cap?Had he lost his mind? Jay ignored the frowns and confused look that his friends gave him. He sat at his desk quietly.

Finally, when the period ended, his friends turned to him.

"What's with the weird cap?A wind of change?" asked Joe.

"Nothing. I just thought of appreciating my grandmother's gift. No big deal." Jay said with a slight feeling of anxiety.

" Oh please! You, appreciate old people?That is the dumbest excuse I've ever heard. Come on, take it off! You're going to embarrass yourself and us.

Now, Jay is really getting a cold feet. He could feel the salty taste of his sweat dripping from his head. His face turned pale blue, as blue as it can be. Joe trid to pull the cap off, but jay struggled not to but then, it came out by itself. As the cap dropped, guess what happened? Everybody witnessed the freakiest thing they have ever seen. "Oh my God!" everyone shouted. That time, Jay's world turned dark and he could hear the scorching sound of thunder and he saw a lot of zits laughing and teasing him. Even June, who was well known in the class as 'moon' laughed terribly at him. Jay couldn't stand being the laughing stock of the day. He rushed out of the class and ran as hard as he could. To where?He didn't care.

He came to a place, as quiet as the grave. He sat at a corner, hugged his knees and cried sorrowfully. He kept saying nasty words to himself until suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up with his swollen red eyes and what he saw was far worse than what he is having now. He looked up to a man with frizzy hair and skinny figure. But that's not important. It was his face. It was full of zits and pimples. Bigger than Jay's and much more  hideous. And they were all over his face! Yuck! He learned after that that the guy had a name. It was Martin. Martin claimed that the place which Jay had been mourning to himself was actually the spot for the losers in the school. Martin was one of them. As Jay broaden his view, he saw many others. The computer geek, the Book Club members, the Chess Club members and many more that he didn't recognise.

Jay felt his eyes welled up in tears as he took a glimpse at these people. He felt miserable, ashamed and worse, he felt guilty. Because these were the students that he and his friends used to pick on to. He remembered how he used to throw food at them, forced them to polish his shoes and all sorts of dreadful stuff. And today was supposed to be Martin's turn. But it turned out Martin's the one who approached him when the whole world turned their backs on him. Martin made him realised how he had been a bad, handsome boy at school.

At the end of the day, Jay sat with the students that he used to bully. He talked to them and mingled with them, trashing all the status quo that has been the tradition of the school since forever. But wait! as he was laughing along with them, he nodded his head so hard that he hit his face on the table. Splat! "What was that" his new friends said. He touched his forehead and he could feel something gel-like. It was his zit! It finally popped! Jay was relieved and he came back home, two-eyed with a slight feeling of happiness and regret. Regret for what he had done before this.

Jay was thankful to that zit. Had it not existed, Jay might still be a bully until now. And if people asked him how big can the zit be that it had changed the entire school?It was big alright. Big enough to turn over a new leaf. So, my advice, never ever judge a book by its cover, even a zit.

p/s: this essay was for my Mid Term Test 2 when I was in form 4. So i apologise for the immature ideas and grammatical + vocabulary errors.